Archive for freakouts

Ahh…the sweet, sweet sting of relative failure.

Posted in Circadian Events with tags , , , on 21 September, 09 by MastrN8

This semester has definitely gotten off to a slow start. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to crack my books and focus on my studies. My mind wan to wander and explore a myriad of subjects rather than be  penned down to the rigid schedule of assigned readings that I need to complete. Although I currently love the subjects that I am enrolled in, save Philosophy which only achieves a moderately likes status, I find myself wanting to study other subjects.

Currently, I am in school trying to finish my pre-reqs for pharmacy school. For the past two years I have been enrolled in a community college to achieve this end. My ultimate goal of course is to get accepted at a Pharm school in state and become a pharmacist. Although I still desire to achieve this goal, I am finding that I wish to study many other things than just biology and chemistry. I have found that I have an interest in everything from history to the japanese language. I am impatient to get through pharmacy school, not because that is what I want to do for the rest of my life, but so I can focus my energies on studying mythology or the soviet occupation of Afghanistan or the theory of Pangea or the rings of Neptune…the list is endless. I am finding out that I would rather have an extensively broad knowledge base rather than a deep understanding of anything in particular. And yet, I know that in order to achieve my goal of being a doctor, I must focus and power through, blah, blah, blah.

The above two paragraphs reflect how I’ve been feeling for the past month or two. That all changed last Wednesday.

On Wednesday, 16 Sept 2009, I received the results of my first Organic Chemistry exam; it was a 76% C. Crap. I think the above two paragraphs will give you some insight into the reason why I scored so low. I know I really need to step it up if I ever wish to achieve the grades needed to get into Pharm school. I need to stop jacking around with topics that I have no business studying during the semester. There just isn’t enough time to take on subjects beyond those that I am enrolled in. To add insult to injury, I found out about an hour ago that the admissions test for Pharm school (PCAT) is scheduled for January. I must take the test at this time in order to apply for school next fall! After January’s test date, the soonest I would be able to take the test is in June, I’m pretty sure that it will be too late for fall registration. As I sit here typing this, as the words appear on my screen in black and white, the reality if the situation is really starting to hit home. I need to take this relative failure in O chem and use it to my advantage. I need to take the feelings of guilt and inadequacy and direct them into a positive direction. A direction that will light the proverbial fire under my ass so that I can finish what I’ve started…successfully.


Wholly Crap!

Posted in Circadian Events with tags , , , , on 23 October, 08 by MastrN8

What a week kiddies! This week has truly been wholly crap! This week will forever go down in my mind as one of the toughest weeks so far in my school career. Worse even than that one time in kindergarten when I  wet myself from laughing too hard. That was rough, but this was infinitely more stressful. Although, I have to say that there was definitely less ridicule. Anyway, let me take you on a tour through this shit-storm, shall I?

First of all, and this is extremely important to keep in mind as it will explain so much in the end, I am an awful, awful, procrastinator. Or am I a good procrastinator because I put things off so well? In any case, I put too many things off until the last minute. Furthermore, this gets compounded due to the fact that I never get that nervous, “Oh my God, I only have x amount of time to get this done” feeling until it is too late to do anything even halfway decent. So, keep this in mind as I take you through the week. One more thing, here is a list of what I have due, and how much I have yet to complete. Mind that this list was made late Sunday night 10/19.

Bio: Pre-lab due on Wednesday 10/22, no worries, it’s only Monday.
Psych: A journal critique due on 10/21, have yet to start, but known about it for three weeks.
Psych: Take-home mid-term due on 10/21, halfway complete, I have had it for 6 weeks.
Psych: study guide homework due on 10/21, not yet started, I have known about it for two weeks.
Speech: Debate on 10/23, not yet started. Need an outline and an annotated biblio. citing 20 sources. I have had 3 weeks to work on this but something else was always more important.
Chem: I have an exam on 10/21 to study for and a lab report (not started) due after the test.

That just about covers it. With the thought in my mind that I should complete the thing that is due first, I set out to finish my psych homework first. I thought that it would go a lot quicker than it did but I did mange to complete the midterm and B.S.’d my way through the critique. total time spent on Psych: about six hours total. Crap. I still have a test to cram for.

After my  impressive display on the last test, scoring one of only two A’s in the class, I felt confident that this test would be similar. Wrong! Monday night and all day Tuesday I devoted to chem, my test was at 5 p.m. I went into the test over-confident and gave a poor performance. Final score? 77.8%…curved! crap. my forecasted final grade is an 84%. I really need to pick it up!

I whipped through the bio pre-lab only to find out that he did not want to collect it, and he did not give us a quiz, as he usually does, on the previous lab. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

That leaves me with speech. Oh speech. I have set you on the back burner too many times, my friend. I have had a LOT of time to do this and as of 3 p.m. on the day before it is due, I begrudgingly start to look up sources. crap. The bibliography, and I don’t say this because I put it off so long, was nonsense. 20 sources for a 10 minute debate? Are you kidding me? I was an expert on the subject after reading through source five. I think the biblio. was excessive and unnecessary and although I got it done just before beginning this blog entry, I think I did a hell of a good job on it. Not “good job considering how late I began”, I mean good job, period. The outline practically wrote itself thankfully and I feel that considering that this has been my worst academic week ever, I might actually pull this week off relatively unscathed.

So there you have it, I am 2 hours away from performing my rushed debate and 8 hours from the end of my week. I do not blame anybody for this reprehensible and irresponsible behavior except for myself. I have had plenty of time to avoid this ridiculousness but something else always took precedence. Well no more! As of now, I am swearing to you loyal, yet wholly imaginary reader that I will never again have a week that is wholly crap!

Chem II is the bane of my existence.

Posted in Scattershot with tags , , , on 23 September, 08 by MastrN8

Approximately 6 weeks ago I entered this semester with optimism and bright shining hope. Being the relatively clever, and relatively young, man (also relative) that I am, I thought that there would be no reason that I wouldn’t repeat the success I had in chemistry last semester. I, however, was horribly mistaken. I scored a 58% on my last curved test and hold little hope for the one coming up next Tuesday. I admit that I haven’t been studying as hard as I should but still devote on average an hour a day to the subject. I get so frustrated that this one subject does not come as naturally to me as others do. I have always been a student that requires minimal study time as long as I do the homework. Tests have always been a strength for me. And yet just two weeks ago I failed my first test ever. Needless to say, I have stepped it up a little and have really tried to study harder, yet try as I might the subject matter still eludes me. The text make no sense to me at all; the teacher’s explanations, even those given in one-on-one tutor sessions, seem to make sense until I go home; and I have yet to complete a problem without referring to either an example in my notes, or one in the text. Hence the miserable showing on the test. I believe my problem lies with grasping concepts. I understand the algebra behind the calculations, but i fail to understand which equation to use at any given time. I’m doomed. I’ve looked for the free tutors that are constantly advertised around campus yet since I am in Chem II, those that have already taken it have either graduated or moved onto another school. I went to B&N in the hopes of finding a dummy book or a study guide that will put the concepts in plainer terms, but alas, my search was fruitless. It seems that there is a market for such books. Perhaps, if one day I can understand the V’ant Hoff factor, or the calculations behind crystal lattices, I will write such a book. until that day comes, if it ever will, please wish me luck, o’ non-existent reader!


Posted in Circadian Events with tags , on 1 May, 08 by MastrN8

How do I want to introduce this train wreck. I swear all was going fine two weeks ago, and then suddenly the bottom fell out. Ok, here goes, I think the hardest thing that I have to accomplish is fitting the project into a conversation. I don’t want to simply spout off everything that I’ve read, I want to show my point of view and make it interesting. The overview and the scope will be easy, I’ve been blogging about that  for a while now. Sequencing the pieces and the rationale behind it all will be not be difficult either, I have a pretty good idea of how that will work.  If only I had more time. With a funeral this weekend foru towns away, I’m going to have difficulty wrapping this thing up. Hopefully I can bang it out this weekend. I do have idea for the package to turn it in, but no idea on how to present the argument. I know this all sounds like useless drivel, “oh, woe is me” but I really have been working hard and want to finish this up.

April 30th remix

Posted in Circadian Events with tags , on 1 May, 08 by MastrN8

Since my last blog didn’t post before my computer died, I thought I would repost it. If only I could remember what I wrote.  This week, pardon my language, has been a fucking train wreck. My cookbook came in, and the brochure needs only to have the final copy printed. The food will be made but the freaking essay is going to be the end of me.

“…when will it happen?”

Posted in Circadian Events with tags , on 17 April, 08 by MastrN8

Holy crap! It’s coming down to the wire and I don’t have 1 single piece at 100% complete yet! “It’s not a matter of freaking out and going crazy, the question is, when will it happen?” I have spent so much time on the cookbook and the brochure that the essay has suffered for it. Now I’m facing issues with an intro and the words won’t flow onto the page as they normally do. If I don’t have a rough draft this weekend, then I am screwed! I need to get the cookbook ordered so it comes in on time and I am having trouble with font styles on the brochure. Sorry Liz, but I am SO done with this project! I can’t handle it!


Posted in Circadian Events with tags , , on 26 March, 08 by MastrN8

Spring break. A time of relaxation, mental decompression, and for some lucky people, a trip to an exotic resort in a tropical place full of boozed up college students that are naked and puking. Well guess what I’m doing! That’s right, nothing anywhere that exciting or scary! I got all that out of my system in my twenties, why else would I be going to college in my thirties?

Anyhow, I am spending the break focusing on my diabetes project. For my fourth and final (thank god) I am going to profile the food that I will make and bring to class. There will be three to four dishes presented as my visual piece for the multi-genre project. Of the four projected dishes, I have succeeded in creating one “for sure” dish. My problem, however, is twofold. First, in doing some more thorough research and by trying different recipes out, I’m finding that feeding a diabetic dessert is not about changing the recipe, so much as it is about changing the portion size. I have come to realize that I can either make a normal portion sized piece of crap, or a smaller sized decadent slice of heaven. Even in trying to combine both schools of thought I’m finding that it is much easier to make something sinful and just eat less of it.

My second problem is that I have a taste taste/survey to conduct on the aforementioned dishes coming up on April 3rd. I really need to hustle if I plan to present four dishes. At this point I’m not sure what the best solution is. I know that it is too late to change the project(s), but I don’t want to present shit either. F***! I guess I’ll just have to keep plugging away and see where it all leads me. Maybe I can find the perfect balance or maybe I just take different flavors of cupcakes.

God I hate cupcakes.